Welcome Slm65 and hugs. It sounds like you're in a spot where some warmth would be welcomed. Fortunately you've found a community that has a wealth of experience and support to offer.
While I've not been in your situation, I can say that I have had to carve out time in my life to sit and listen to music (with and without alcohol) to process things from my past. It had lead to, on occasion, me feeling bad about how I handled events after. Why couldn't I have done this instead of that? I should've said x instead of y. It became shame and it ate me up inside; I felt unworthy of love for what happened, my part in it, and how I let it color my life and relationships thereafter.
Once I heard that when someone tries to show an alcoholic love, s/he can react with revulsion because s/he is acutely aware of all the things s/he's done wrong -- it pains her/him and feels ashamed. That's not to say your husband is an alcoholic. But if he's in the process of sorting out the past he may very well feel like the volume of life is turned up to 11, that the light of life is too harsh and bright.
That he may be trying to come to terms with his past? That could be a good thing. He may not be able to support and hug you because he can't seek that for himself. His mind may be too full.
What about you in the meantime? I wish I had words. Are there things you can do to nurture yourself? Others you can talk with? Other members here, would this be a situation she could reach out to alanon for help?
Best to you.