It helped me to understand that, growing up with two parents who were adult children and problem drinkers rather than active alcoholics (one crossed over into alcoholism later) I also grew up with an alcoholic family. We had the same family rules, don't talk don't trust don't feel, and they were just as strongly enforced as if there had been an A in the house.
You are welcome at Alanon and there may be other suitable programs as well, and I think you'd be fine at an adult children of alcoholics meeting. It is for other kinds of family dysfunction as well, and after 30 years of living by alcoholic family rules, you have earned your seat a couple of times over.