Hello. It really sounds like you are ready to turn a new leaf. You can heal from all of this. I think that it is time for you to take care of you and your children. One courageous step is that you posted on here. You are not alone. I know that it is painful to not have the support from your mother, but support can come from so many other people. This forum is proof of that. Please take all of this one step at a time. Visit the Friends and Family forum and read, post, look around. We have an amazing group of people here that have been through similar yet different circumstances. We are all on the road to healing. Things can and will improve for you with the right tools. Take care of you.