This scared me...
I once again decided to stop drinking over the past weekend. I admit that I've been struggling for quite some time now, on and off sobriety. But this weekend something happened (twice) that really scared me. I woke up Saturday morning and I do have blackouts a lot but I remember in the midst of a drunken stupor contemplating the idea of seeing how many vicodin I could mix with the alcohol and die or not die because usually vicodin makes me sick if I don't take them with care. Basically I was on the verge of suicide or accidental suicide when I'm not a suicidal person! I would never (sober) commit suicide! It scares me... would never consider it (sober). Well one night wasn't enough of a scare because I'm stupid... I drank again. Only this time I discovered that I was posting stuff all over Facebook about how life sucks and it's not worth living and on and on and on. So after I went through and quickly deleted every one of those posts hoping nobody in my family would see them I decided that I can't f* around anymore. I finally realize this IS a progressive disease and the stories I've heard about people killing themselves when they were drunk weren't stories and they may not have been suicidal before going on a binge. I remember a conversation I had with my husband (he's been sober for 30 years almost) and he said to me you have to be so SCARED to take a drink. So scared of where it may lead you... maybe not this time, but maybe next time. You have to see it that way. I think I'm getting it finally.
Well I'm here for support and gonna make it a habit to be here among other things. I'm not going to lose my life to a bottle of scotch.
Thanks everyone for listening.