I'm at doctor now... Cried and asked for sleeping pills & anti depressing pills. Found out its exactly 1 month after the crap trauma happened.
I thought that I was doing better, but I felt crap again for no reason recent days. I miss him, then I feel so angry for what he put me through. I want to tell him how much I miss him, then want to tell him how crap and what a j**k he is! I'm going crazy. I wanted to go home badly when I was out at my friend's hens nite. My best friend told me to stay and said 'u still think of him ? He's crap and couldn't be trusted. He must be getting other girls now!' Then, I burst into tear... Partly becoz of missing the good time, partly ashame, partly angry... How embarrassed. All I want is to stay home and paint. It's the only way to keep me calm. I cannot go out in social life anymore.. Also in bad timing coz I just quit my job before the trauma happened.
I'll have to be bridesmaid on Thur..., now I look crap..., I need the sleeping pills... Just got Valium from doctor...
