I'm back here. WHY
Let me just start by saying I’m embarrassed to be back here. After all of my previous years of posts and the headway I made and all the heartfelt replies I heard from this community, I’m back in the same spot asking for some help and guidance. It’s seriously embarrassing. I was doing so well, felt strong, got a new job which was a promotion, etc. Then one day I decided to just send an email to see how my AEXBF was doing last November. That’s all it took to start the roller coaster. It’s been 5 months of pure hell.
Honestly, I don’t even know what to say except I’m embarrassed to even reach out to all of you eventhough I know damn well I shouldn’t be.
All I will explain at this point is that I’m on a beautiful beach on the Atlantic with my daughter. It was a trip I booked with my ex. Of course, the craziness started, the drugs, the lies, the abuse, the mania which doesn’t even need to be described in detail because you all know it. I contributed to the madness at the end to find the truth but I already knew the truth.
The best thing I did was not allow him to come on the trip. We were supposed to stay at a home of a family member of his on the beach. Literally, less than 24 hours before I left for this trip, something inside me said “NO WAY!” My daughter and I flew down here, I booked a condo so last minute in an amazing place for kids, rented a car and figured it all out. It was about 1 am the night before we were leaving. The voice inside me said no way allow this to happen. No way allow this person to come with you on this trip. I could have so easily reverted back to calming this angry person down after our fight Friday night (over the fact he had been doing drugs again by the way) but I didn’t. I found us a way down here.
….but I’m still so embarrassed to say I came back to this point after I felt like I had been over this thing. Urgh. Maybe I will write more later. I think it will be good for me.