I'm not by any means desperate - another reason I don't feel I belong right now in Newcomers, where so many are truly suffering. Oddly, I don't seem to suffering as such. It's more that I can strangely objectively watch and see what's happening in this relapse as well as in these attempts to 'stay' with even a full day of sobriety. Kinda creepy? Possibly.
bemyself,
this jumped out at me for two reasons: because that's how i used to see myself, compared to the "real" sufferings of others, and because all your posts so bloody clearly belie this.
this is suffering:
-dysthymia
-without portfolio'. That's pretty much my life now.
-dead spark plug factor within.
-void of frustration....
-I don't belong anywhere, anymore.
-I feel always on the outer.
and there are more.
not copying this to make you feel bad, but with the intent of having you take another look.
to me, all your posts speak of suffering.
and i guess the reason they do is because they all resonate with how it was for me. but i dismissed my own sufferings as somehow not "real suffering", cause mine was nothing significant in light of others' and b0 if i were to ever really see that i was suffering, i might need to DO something about it, make some kind of changes, ...no, far easier to be not suffering. or be detached: see it but don't feel it.
the worst suffering for me at the time was the constant trying to quit and my inability to do so.
tore me up inside.
over and over.
hell. really.
could be i'm projecting my stuff into your posts, bemyself.