Just popping in to give a little encouragement.
I understand exactly what you're saying in this thread. I think we've all been in that stuck place where the only solace we can find - though not the only solace available - is alcohol.
Have you ever read the book Heart of Addiction by Lance Dodes? I think it's a great compliment to Rational Recovery. The premise is that addictive behaviors are always substitute activities, but that the action we should be taking is in a blind spot, so to speak. Drinking is a response to rage at a feeling of helplessness, hence the phrase ("F*** it!) universally thought when we fall off the wagon. For example, someone is angry at his or her spouse but drinks instead of addressing the problem directly. I find it very helpful, when the AV sparks up, to ask myself what is a direct action I can take to address the helpless feelings I'm having. For me, very often its that I'm bored, and instead of the direct action of cultivating an interest in something, my beast is recommending alcohol. Of course, all this is complicated by depression, which is temporarily addressed and simultaneously worsened by alcohol.
You sound like a very smart, capable person. I know that someone like you can find something to do and someone to do it with. I also know that your beast has all the resources in your brain, so it is capable of manufacturing brilliant excuses for why drinking is your only option.