Mizzuno

This final attempt at sobriety has led me into certain behaviors that are not my norm or the way that I want to operate in my life. First of all, something really switched in me with my last drink. I knew after that night that I had gone the farthest that I have ever gone and there was no return. I had to put down the destruction or die. So, i walked away from Alcohol into another destructive thing.......
I have always cared about my diet. Eating healthy is a huge part of who I am. My career ( if you could call it that) revolved around health, educating people on health, suggesting herbs/vitamins to the masses. People trusted my opinions and I felt confident in giving away the knowledge that I had aquired.
So, for the last month and a half I have left all my health behind and all that I know is true. I have consciously decided to eat everything that is unhealthy. Skittles, Diet Coke, Cookies, Skittles, Starbursts, Pot Pies, Vitamin Waters, Muffins, Corned Beef and Cheese, Jimboys, Pot Pies, Coffee, Coffee, Skittles, Snickers, Cookies, Skittles.......Did I mention Skittles. Pizza, Grilled Cheese, Huge Chocolate Chip Cookies. Smoking Cigarettes.
I am sick of this now. I thought that if I wrote it out maybe it would snap me out of this behavior. This is not me at all.
I have heart burn from the corned beef, swiss cheese croissant that i ate earlier. I physically feel like a blob even though my weight is the same.
Time to dust off the blender. Time to get the greens going again. Thanks for letting me express myself. I will not heal if I continue down this path.