Well, I should have known this was a bad idea. Not just to keep on drinking - yes, I went to the shop to buy more wine. But to have posted this type of in-between stuff in the first place.
I guess it really should be a blog / journal away from the active posting sections of SR.
Anyway, after a half bottle of wine now, and with no brekky or even brunch in my tummy - though I might get something to eat soon....
A final diary post, to myself if no one else (and no, I'm not really being snitchy): the timing of actively picking up again this morning is a kind of self-sabotage. That's because a. I should be sober enough today to do final vacuuming etc in prep for the real estate agent's 6 monthly inspection of my rental property tomorrow. Mind you, my place is always pretty damn nice. But when you're getting older, you've been renting for 13 years, and subject to the sniffiness of most property managers (most of whom I've encountered are about 20............), being under their gaze is really quite undignified, dispiriting. So, b. on that note, I've often over these renting years, in various locations, searched and agonised over some way of buying my own place again. In play right now: I'd made an inspection appointment for tomorrow, back in my previous country town.
Do I want to live back there? Probably not. Do I want my own place? Yes. Can I actually manage the whole nightmare of juggling being on a pension / having to use up all my other non-pension money to buy a place plus trying to get a small loan to cover on-costs of buying and moving? Well....I spent a bit of time just now, on the government pension services websites, including on my own profile link. Trying to calculate recalibrations of my pension if I bought a place. Trying to work out their insanely labryinthine set of different contact details just to find out what my situation might putatively be if I bought a house.
It's all too hard. Truly too hard. So I'll text the agent to cancel tomorrow's inspection (which involved a two hour drive each way just for a half hour inspection, and back in a town that I know but don't know if it's the right place to end up). I don't belong anywhere, anymore. Not here, not there, not back in my original home city of Sydney, not in the other Aussie States where my two elder sisters live.
I guess I just have to stick it out, here, again. A renter into my old age, and therefore subject to the vagaries and whims of the owners (I've had to leave the last few places because they wanted to sell).
So. I'll have a bite to eat, and then go for a nap. And it's only just on midday. What else is new?