You must start by changing that name to GoodPlace2013!!!! I don't know if you've ever craved alcohol and were so determined to get it nothing would stop you (since it is legal and can be picked up almost anytime). But if you have, and you made it happen, that's how you have to be with your thoughts and your mind. I know it's cheesy sounding and I'm definitely not an expert at it, but the few times I felt super strongly about a positive change I wanted and really believed in it and acted like that change happened, it has happened. I would pick up some books on how the mind works, negativity and positivity, you will see that it's basically scientific. To every action (thought) there's an equal and opposite reaction. The opposite isn't the opposite though, the opposite refers to the direction of the thought. It's coming back at you. Just reading and watching topics on this have at least distracted my mind from negative thinking for a little while. Maybe the information will click with you better and faster than it has with me. Good luck and I'll definitely pray for you!