Please take it easy on yourself. This is hard work, and we've all been there. No one thinks you're ranting - you're talking about your emotions and fears, which is necessary.
I was the same sort of drinker as you. I drank for all the same reasons. Yet it was never a friend to me - in the end, it took my spirit and all the joy from my life. You are reaching out at a much younger age - you already see where this is taking you. You've acknowledged what many never do - and that's the hardest part in my opinion. I didn't stop until my life was in chaos. Be proud of yourself for seeing what needs to be done and taking action.