Darkplace2013

I will keep ye updated its just such early days for me I'm terrified I won't succeed and to be honest I'll feel like a complete failure if I do. It's amazing when I reflect on my drinking down through the years that I can single handily pin point every bad idea I've had or every depressing thought I've had to alcohol. I've used it as a coping mechanism, if something bad happens me in my life I binge drink. The following day that problem is multiplied by a hundred. On the other hand if I'm in a great mood I still binge drink as a way of saying to myself you have been great this week you haven't gone out once now it's time to reward yourself, go get drunk. It's really a vicious cycle for me and I'm terrified that at the first sign of a problem I'll end up in a bar and I'm off again. I'm the type of guy who will drink as many beers as I can then I'll hit spirits until I'm totalled. The following morning I'll wake up full of regrets and saying those famous words I'm sure many here will have said "never again". I can honestly say hand on heart that if I continue down this road I know I'll end up with nothing I know the drink will finish me. I've had so many horrible thoughts when I'm hungover I find them even hard to type in this setting. I've spent two days ranting here :-) and thanks for listening. I'm looking forward to giving this my best shot but I must say I'm petrified at the idea of failure. I've never been great at coping with problems in my own life. If I had an issue 9 times out of 10 I ended up drunk. In the last five weeks I have drank a lot more than usual and after every binge I've been on I've said to myself "ok now you need to give it up and stay sober". Admittedly I've broken that promise to myself on a weekly basis of late. I don't know what lead me here to SR but it must be faith because i do feel like i have the support of total strangers and when you feel isolated and alone in life that just makes everything a small bit easier. Oh I wish life were easier.