hangingdove

I swore I would never become one. That it was all just in fun with friends and that I could control it. I was wrong.

I have been drinking for four years straight now. Oh sure, I have been sober randomly, by pure luck, for a week or less here and there. But it doesn't last. It started out just loving the feeling that alcohol gave me; the euphoria and realization it gave that no matter how bad the day was, the night could be better with my friends and alcohol. And then friends weren't even required.

All that mattered was alcohol; I had a minor epiphany about my problem 2 years ago and changed my life. Or so I thought, but it didn't really. I slowed down on drinking, got a better job and was living a much more fulfilling life. And as I'm sure everyone can guess, I responded to this by celebrating. And drinking. More and more.

I am a functioning alcoholic. I wake up every day, and I go to work. I maintain a social life, but I know it isn't real. The more successful I am, the more I feel I can spend on alcohol as long as I take care of my other bills/priorities. A fifth of liquor a day is no big deal at this point anymore. Because, hey, I can afford it and it makes me feel so good at the time.

I know my health is getting worse, it may not show it, but I can tell. My body and heart is in terrible condition to how it used to be. And I know it's not just the getting older. I'm only in my mid 20s.

I know I can't compare to the stories that some people have, but I want help. And support. I really need the support. None of my family and friends know how I am, and I can't bear to tell them.