Actually got some good advice from a good friend who is also recovering. He told me to give myself permission to stay sober and never to drink. If I can relapse by giving myself permission to drink I damn well can keep myself sober the same way. Makes sense in my small mind.
Thanks for all of the great support here.
Isinganyway, I think the drunk/alcoholic always wants just a couple of drinks. Don't we all just want to control ourselves like "normal" people? I think the real challenge is accepting that we can't.