All I am experiencing is the feeling that I am unloveable and unworthy, the feeling I seem to always go back to because it was imprinted on my psyche as a child by my cold and unloving father.
It's amazing how we repeat what is familiar and don't even realize we are doing it.
The three C’s come to mind –you didn’t Cause it, you Can’t cure it and you Can’t control it and neither can anyone else you might bring into the mix like his brother.
I think it is a blessing that things played out the way it did – kind of out of your CONTROL and as you said “I could never seem to find a way out for myself” .
All those emotions you are feeling, anger and all the rest are normal. It’s part of the grieving process and it’s often something we codies attempt to stop at all costs because it’s just to painful and we are not real great at just allowing things to happen naturally.
The “mirror” we see them as manipulative, using our own feelings against us when they wanted or needed something…….YET we often don’t see ourselves as manipulative or controlling because we do those things out of “love”.
In the beginning of any new relationship everyone is on their best behavior, they sell themselves as IDEAL mates. We codies JUMP on board with all we have, fall fast and hard madly in love and that’s usually in the first few weeks or months. We don’t know or understand what the red flags are with people. We don’t allow ourselves the opportunity of time to get to truly know someone and spend quality time with them before we FEEL madly in love with them.
Moving forward you have the opportunity of KNOWLEDGE - about yourself and about WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT in a partner.
Keep reading, keep moving ahead with an open mind and happiness is with in you.