My husband and I were not on the same page with my son, either, but it wasn't such a conflict. I was the one who went to meetings and pretty much made decisions about what we would or would not accept...but in fact, I was the more codependent one and my decisions were not always good. I sometimes wish I had let my husband make the decisions because his would have been more straight forward..."If you use drugs in my home or steal from me, you must leave immediately" would have been his mantra and probably would have saved us all a lot of time, money and energy.
My point is that it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, if the conflict affects your marriage, you might want to look at that and work on mending the fences.
You can't change your daughter's addiction, only she can do that. You can't change your wife either, unless she is willing to work with you on something that works for both of you.
So keep going to your meetings, find your own balance amid the chaos, and then decide what is and is not acceptable in your life.
Hugs