I'm confused and unhappy. March of 2012 I went through a tramautic event. I suffered many back issues and have permanet nerve damage in my left arm. I came into aa in may 2012 and I didn't get sober until September 2012. In march of this year I had went for an epidural injection in my neck. I have and actual bruise on my spine. I was told by the doctor to stay off my feet for three days. The next day I didn't make a meeting. I went to work and came home my sponsor and I had our first disagreement because I didn't want to go to a meeting. I was really sore and she didn't understand. Four days passed and I don't know if when I got the injection in my neck if they accidentally hit a nerve but my left side of my face was paralyzed. My doctor said its unrelated but I'm not so sure. I was put on antibiotics and steroids. I thought I was going to rip someone's head off my whole body felt out of wack. My sponsor insisted I go to a meeting with her. So I sat in the meeting annoyed as hell. My left eye wouldn't blink, so I sat there w an eye patch on and sunglasses .... Extremely uncomfortable. Then she wanted to immediately do step 4 that night I said your crazy. I can barely see and your pushing me too much. I started to loose interest in the program. I told her that week how unhappy I was and my thoughts.
Then last Sunday I felt like everything was overwhelming me: my job, my marriage, my daughter, the program. I was crying on the phone with her and I told her I don't know what I believe anymore. I don't know if I believe in the promises. Her exact words were well if that's how you feel I don't think I can sponsor you. I said f this and went out and drank. I just blew the 6 months of sobriety I worked so hard for. I went on a week binge and she wouldn't stop texting me. Telling me I hurt her by drinking. I friggen hurt myself. I was disappointed in myself. So I called another female in the program Friday and begged her to be my temporary sponsor bc I wanted to come back. She went haywire and texted me how hurt she was that I asked someone else to sponsor me. I really don't get it bc she dropped me what else was I supposed to do. I went and drank that day too.
She also called the girl I asked to temporarily sponsor me and told her that she should have told me no bc she's my sponsor. So now I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to pick up the pieces. I have three days back and I saw her in a meeting tonight and was really uncomfortable. She didnt even look my way like I'm a piece of **** or something.. How do I bounce back ? What should I do ?
