I have to agree with Mike here Liz. You have written very, very little about this man that is good.
You seem determined to try and MAKE him say, do, act the way YOU want him to. Honestly "Vagination of America" made me laugh. The comment about the pants....that sounds like something my husband, or parent, or friend would say to me. Hell, I would probably say it to them.
It seems to be obvious to everyone but you that this is an irreconcilable situation. When comments that are not offensive become offensive the breakdown of that relationship is at the lowest. If he tells you something good it is suspect if he acts like an ass it is typical.
Frankly Liz, the fact that he thought you were stating that you want a divorce (sorry but that's the problem with email and text it is VERY easy to read something into it) and didn't seem to be bothered with it - in fact gave you his blessing to move on and find happiness says it all.
I am not even touching on the obvious - his alcoholism, verbal abuse, lies, etc. etc. etc.
I am so sorry, you have been through a lot - its time to move along with life and as your husband said "find your happiness".