I wanted to start calling him on the carpet on his behavior, how I feel about the things he says, being direct and letting him know that what he says is demeaning or condescending, or whatever. It feels like a weight is lifted. I was so tired of walking eggshells and holding onto protecting his ego that I couldn't figure out what I felt or didn't feel.
Openly communicating your feelings is about you figuring out and verbalizing your feelings, which is great. In your relationship that is only going to go one way because he is not capable of it.
Calling him on the carpet is very different from communicating your feelings btw.
I'm tired of defending every stupid little thing and I'm tired of trying to live up to his standards.
I can believe that. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting to live that way. He will never ever ever be any different so the trick is what can you change to be less tired of how you are living? How can you re-frame it so that you are less tired of the way you are living? I know you are working on that.
I'm to short sited to see any solution other than the one I chose but there is more than one I'm sure. As always, it comes down to accepting that you can't change him and focusing on your own decisions and thought processes instead.