debysu46, I have to ask, if he has been to jail, court, is on probation with the threat of long prison time over his head and he STILL isn't ready to quit, what is going to change?
My AB is currently in county jail, something I never thought would happen. I may or may not have played a bit of role in getting him there.
He was going no where good. He was stealing to fund his habit, I knew he had robbed a dealer at least once, he was skin and bones and looked horrible health wise, and he was essentially homeless. He was bad mouthing all rehab options saying they were a racket, he didn't need that, he wasn't ready to get clean and that was obvious. I thought he had hit bottom, but apparently not as he just kept using (heroin).
So I had to look hard at my choices. Could I sit back and watch him continue to spiral? What were his odds of death on the street? Overdose chances? If he was robbing dealers his time was going to get short real quick. He already had warrants out, he was definitely stealing so he was just setting himself up for more legal troubles (or worse).
Speaking of stealing, how could I sit back and let him continue to hurt other people? This wasn't just me and the family he was hurting, he was scamming strangers all over town. What if he hurt someone? What would I think about not stepping in when I had a chance? I didn't feel like I was to blame for his actions, they were his choices to own, BUT, I also knew that I could help stop it at least temporarily.
Really the ONLY negative on my list was if he found out I sent him to jail, he may be mad at me and never speak to me again. When compared to death, well, I could live with that.
So when I laid out all these positive and negatives on paper, the overwhelming choice was he was way better off in jail then on the streets. There are risks in jail/prison, but he was definitely much worse off with his current path.
By the way, he was about 135lbs MAYBE when he went to jail, and he has done just fine in jail (and gained 25lbs). I was petrified that him being small he would struggle. He gets teased a bit but he figured out the game and takes it in stride. He was hustling on the outside, he just switched it up and does the same thing in jail. But at least in jail he is sober and his odds of surviving this stage of his life went up a bit.
I am under no illusion that jail or prison will cure him, but at least he isn't on the streets for the moment hurting himself and others.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a parent in the position you are in, in the position he has put you in. I have a lot of health issues that are worsened by stress. My therapist has drilled me over and over, I have to put my needs first over his. Its been hard to shift my thinking, but in the end, you and your husband need to be considered first. She tells me all the time, "he would never quit using so you could be healthier, so why do you continue to put him first and sacrifice your wellbeing for him?".