I've called the police on my son three times to have him removed from my property. Was it awful? Yes. But NO ONE, most specifically me, deserves to be afraid and disrespected in their own home.
I have also filed a restraining order against my son before. Again, was it hard? Yes. It was awful but necessary.
Would I be ok with my son facing charges....even felony charges....as a result of a phone call I made to the police to protect myself and my home? Absolutely.
Unconditional love DOES NOT mean that we accept inappropriate behavior unconditionally. In fact, doing so is actually training them that it's ok!! At some point, we stop being a victim and we become volunteers. By not standing up for ourselves, we become accomplices to the abuse. And that abuse (because that's what your son is doing....he is abusive) doesn't have to be physical. It can be emotional and psychological.....those are the weapons of an addict who is off the rails. And your son is flying way off the rails. My son did too.
I held my ground and it took me a long time to get to the point where I had the courage and wisdom to do it. It is HARD. I needed help. I got it in the rooms of Nar-Anon, Al-Anon and here on SR. I just needed to hear someone say "You are not a bad mother for protecting yourself and your home against your son's inappropriate behavior!" There is help if you are desperate enough to take action to get it.
You calling the police on him is NOT what would land him back in jail or prison for parole violation. HIS behavior is what will be the cause. He'll tell you otherwise but just because something comes out of his mouth does not make it true.
I would encourage you to do what you need to do to protect yourself, your husband and your household. You are currently jeopardizing every healthy relationship in your life for one unhealthy relationship. Is it worth it?
Meth is a scary drug. My son is a meth addict. I believe that standing up to him.....holding my ground to protect my serenity may have saved his life. I love him enough to let him feel the consequences of his use because it's the only way he was going to learn. My coddling, protecting and allowing bad behavior was killing him....and me. It was destroying MY relationships with everyone else I loved and who loved me. Once I realized that....I found the strength to do what needed to be done.
Currently, my son is in recovery. Today he is sober. But I lived through watching him go to jail multiple times, emergency surgery after being beaten (pistol whipped) and shot at, homeless, hungry, and cold. I came to terms with the fact that his disease could kill him....just like cancer can kill a four year old child. No mother should have to loose her child but the reality is that it happens every single day. How do those mothers live through watching their babies die? The only way I could come to terms with the possibility of my son dying was to face it. Feel it. And let go of it. I gave my problems, my fears and most importantly, my son, to God. I had to....for me....and for him.
I was at peace long before my son went into long term treatment. I had reached my bottom. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I believe that as long as I was rescuing, protecting, and slipping a pillow under my son's butt, he would have stayed in active addiction and I would have eventually died from the sheer misery of the dynamic that I was actively participating in. (And I mean that quite literally).
We didn't Cause it, we can't Control it, we can't Cure it.....but we can certainly Contribute to it. I didn't want to do the fourth C anymore. And when you're ready, you don't have to either.
If you always do what you've always done....you will always get what you've always got.
gentle hugs
ke