How do I get myself to that point? It terrifies me the thought of prison. All the horror stories, and mind you my AS is a scrawny little thing..I fear death in prison,stabbings, etc...but I cannot do this anymore..I really can't. As it is we got Thursday to Vanderbilt, liver specialist for my husband and that weighs heavy on my mind also..So much for me to fear about and a mother and sister in another state I am trying to get to because they are both real bad off and because of him I can't do anything..I am so sick of in and out all night long..I feel I need someone to step in and make that call for me..I am weak, so weak. It has stressed me so much to the point I have to be on medication for it..I feel if I kick him to the streets which have done, he just comes right back crying his eyes out he has no where to stay and I cave..What is wrong with me? Something is wrong with me? None of my other 3 boys disrespect me like this and cannot stand to be around him either. My husband has not spoke to him in over 6 months. I am just so lost and so very alone..knowing what everyone is telling me to do, my mother in law telling me to get him out that he is killing her son from stress and his disease he has, which is stage 4 cirrhosis, non alchohol..Sometimes I just want to take the easy way out so I don't have to make this call ya know..Cause if I weren't here then he would not be here, no way, my husband would not allow it.I am the only reason he walks in this door cause he can get over on me..So sorry, I know you all are trying to get thru to me but GOD it is so hard..Where did my son go? THis is not him..I am so scared...