Communication, of any kind with an alcoholic seems almost impossible to me.
You have been beating your head against the wall for a long time and yet nothing has changed-sounds like your AH will be a PITA, whether he's drinking or not....
Only you can decide when to get off the Merry-Go-Round.
Seems there are 2 choices here:
1. Stay in the present situation, and hope something will change OR
2. Leave the present situation and know something will change.