Open communication
After realizing that our marriage therapist had had enough of AH and pretty much validated me and my issues and seemed to have the same frustrations of dealing with him, I decided it was do or die time, LOL. I realized I have nothing to lose. I wanted to start calling him on the carpet on his behavior, how I feel about the things he says, being direct and letting him know that what he says is demeaning or condescending, or whatever. It feels like a weight is lifted. I was so tired of walking eggshells and holding onto protecting his ego that I couldn't figure out what I felt or didn't feel.
Ah was pretty shocked that the therapist wanted to stop working with us, so I gave him the guys card and said that he can meet with him individually for a final review(suggested by the therapist to both of us, of course).
I just sent AH an email telling him that when he said the words 'vaginization of America' that I was offended and that it was demeaning to women. He was referring to men getting pedicures. He also had said it in front of our son and I wanted him to know that it was inappropriate. In the past, I'd just let it go. Then, we had this conversation today:
me: Check out my scratched up legs, those brittlebushes are really brutal out there.(I had been doing some yard work to pull the desert bushes away from my fence line in preparation for adding chicken wire to the fencing).
AH: Well, then, why didn't you just wear pants?
Now, that may seem innocent to most people, but this is normal conversation for him. Instead of validating my feeling (silly as it was) he chose to tell me how I should have done it better. This is a common theme for him and I finally hit a wall today. I realized that he could have said something gentler, been more sympathetic, or just commiserate a bit. Nope, I felt ready to go into defensive mode and explain why I didn't get around to putting on pants. And, hence, I'd find myself on the merry go round again. I'm tired of defending every stupid little thing and I'm tired of trying to live up to his standards.