Welcome Peppy,
This disease is quite baffling isn't it? I know you want to quit drinking and have tried everything (especially that thinking mind of ours). The solution is layed out quite clearly , precise and exact on how to "recover" in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Others have encouraged you to "continue" and not give up. The text book of recovery B.B. for short suggests a series of "actions" to be taken in order to recover. We all have gone through what you are experiencing and have come out on the other side...sobriety , peace and happy. Find someone who has worked the Steps and get in her back pocket.The love and understanding you will find at meetings, the directions to get well are in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I shall keep you in my prayers.