Liz, I believe that you are exhausted. Living with the same abuser that is in your dreams for years will erode anyone from the inside.
Just because one is going through the motions doesn't necessarity mean that they are digging down and doing the tough work of therapy. People spend lots of money and go to hand-holding therapists (or counselors)--sometimes for years, with no significant improvement.
Your therapist keeps urging you to "soften" yourself toward your husband (wth??). The marriage counseling seems to be the place where your husband gets to spew venom at you weekly. Like AA--the healing in alanon is largely in working all the steps with great dilligence. Intensive work--not just a "lick and a promise". Victims of sexual abuse MUST select a therapist who is specifically trained and experienced in this area of work.
Actually, I am not surprised that you are exhausted and don't feel that you have made much progress (stuck).
I imagine that I sound gruff to you--I'm sure that I do. My interest is in helping you by telling you the truth (as I see it). I think that helping you is more important than for me to seem "sweet".
I hope that you can consider my words long enough to get so me benefit from them.
sincerely, dandylion