Archangelesk

These forums are such a blessing to me.

I am staging an intervention for my husband in early June. No matter what happens I have decided (with help from fantastic posters here) that I am no longer going to live with someone in active addiction or early recovery.

The logistics of this keep creeping back to eat at me.

The law in my state is that all parties to the marriage have the right to be in the marital home. It takes two years to complete a divorce unless both parties consent. My husband is well aware of his legal rights (we are both law school graduates). He has already stated he will not leave on his own and will contest a divorce.

I was going to file for divorce if he refused to go to rehab after the intervention. But this seems to leave me open for risk - like he goes, but does not work a program and comes back and this crap continues.

Filing gives me the ability to petition for a motion to have him removed from the house. It could take a few months from the date of the petition to get to a hearing. I could win OR I could loose. Then he is still in my house.

I probably need to move out. Help me think this through, please. I do not want to move out of my home. My children are 1 and 3. The logistics of moving them into an apartment makes me want to pull covers over my head and never move. The indignity of paying for rent and for my mortgage while he lives in my house gives me heart palpitations. We only have one car - which happens to be in his name, although he cannot make the loan payments. He will throw many fits over the car. (I would offer to do something reasonable like live very nearby and share it- but he will make that a train wreck. Yet, I cannot afford another vehicle).

What really gets me is I love my house. It is a perfect distance from my job, letting me walk to work - the only stress relief I seem to be able to fit into my life. It has a fenced-in yard where my almost insanely active boys can let off steam. The set up is lovely and it makes me feel peaceful to be there. I also (and quite fortunately for me, because I am sure that there are many of you on these forums who have far less financial control that I do, so I get it that I am probably pretty lucky - but these are my hang-ups, so I hope you will indulge me), pay for my house.

(Warning, childish venting about to occur) - I pay for it. It is mine. I want him out of it and I do not want to have to move out to make that happen.

Okay. Speak truth to me. I am ready to hear that I need to let this go.