Old 04-09-2013, 05:20 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Wing
IsItAlright
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: rainbow
Posts: 157
Dear Laurie,

U know me really well. I keep asking WHY and I keep telling myself not. I really wanted to mail him and ask WHY he had to hurt me. WHY he thinks its all my fault but he has no issue. But, I learnt from sr that we cannot rationalize addicts.

I have been seeing counselor are drug addicts family and partner since last year. U can't believe that my exA even used this to attack me. he said that i was the one who have issue as I am seeing councelor! Jesus, how could he forget that I saw the councilor for his addiction?!!!

Weeks ago, my councelor has finally told me that from what she saw, exA could offer me nothing but pain. She asked me what for... It's not like he's offering me luxury life and I'm not these girls who has no motivation in life... I don't deserve a life like that...

I am just so broken as I have flashback of exA and his druggie frens devil faces and hurtful words towards me... And how he grabbed my neck and threw me into the wall in the end... How he could do that to me when he always said that he loved me

Today I read an article from budhasm -
when u say 'I love u'. You have to know:
'who you are'
'What is love, how to love'
As for ppl in addiction, they lost themselves and they don't even know how to love.

I remember several times when we fight. He yelled at me 'u try to control me? U don't even know who I am!' Its true....
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