I'm waking up slowly after reading here everyday.
I got the clear picture of the past 7 months since me and alcoholic cocaine addicted bf got back together. It was me who chose to believe that everything got better and ignore all the fact. It didn't get better. It can't be changed. It's actually worse than the first round of relationship regarding his addiction, even though he did try to spend more time with me and we had 2 nice trips together.
1st round of relationship, he claimed that he wanted a fresh start. He knew his issue and he knew all about the aa and higher power but he claimed that he didn't believe it and he could do it by himself. He tried a few attempts to stop drinking as he told me that alcohol and covaine goes hand in hand. He would count from day 1 and take it 1 day at a time.... Tho he always failed on the 6th day max.
2nd round of relationship. We got back together. He said he changed a lot. But later, he told me that many ppl snort cocaine till old without issue. He could still wake up and work next day. I was the one who gone crazy. He called dealer in front of me and said that he could show me its ok to snort cocaine. His druggie fren moved into the house. I found empty cocaine bags at home from time to time. He and his druggie flatmate emotionally abused me by talking about cocaine opening in front of me. He was out drinking till morning at least 4 nites a week. I thought it was better than the first round?! And I thought his crazy binge of cocaine in mid March as relapse... And comforted him that its ok that he relapsed as long as he try to avoid it next time... Gosh. Relapse?! What's wrong with me. He never stopped.... I read here... Relapse means that they had been clean for a period of time like 3 mth, 6 mths.... And him? Not even a week,,, no, he's drinking.... So basically not even 3 days.
I wake up now... I just persuaded myself its ok coz the councilor told me that relationship may get even worse sometimes when the addict stop the fix coz they would be emotionally unstable... Then, I told myself to accept it as long as we are in love... But it didn't work in this way..,
My emotion is in chao now... Was better when I was in vacation last week. Now I'm back at home and just stay home everyday..
having annoying dreams of him at nite... Weather is depressing now
Please tell me I'm lucky to get out of this ****** relationship early... Coz as a matter of fact, it only get worse, not better... No matter how hard me and the addict try. (He claimed that he tried and he's not a bad bf. I'm the one being difficult and crazy. Imagine him as a horrible person making my life miserable)