Thank you for sharing your perspective, Laurie, I gained a lot of confidence from that in knowing that it can and will get better as I work the steps.
I struggle with this topic, as well, and I have to try to step back from the ruminating over how I said something or how someone responded. A lot of it comes from living with my AH (and previously my father). My AH once told me that I talk too loudly in public and that everyone always looks at me. I looked around once and saw no one looking at me at all and I had to remind myself that he was the one who had a problem with me and not everyone else. He also has said that I don't tell stories well and that I jump around too much in my versions of storytelling and don't get to the point. Well, I then remind myself that no one else has had this issue with me. I finally called a good 'normie' friend and asked her if this was an issue with me or if she saw that in me. Nope. She didn't. I was then able to build my self confidence about how I speak to others along with being able to hold myself accountable in what I was saying, etc and how I was approaching the other person. I truly believe that counseling and Al Anon have helped me see these patterns. I may only be on step 4 right now, but I do feel that I will learn more about myself as I work through the steps.