Thread: New Here; Could Use Some Understanding?
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Old 04-06-2013, 01:57 AM
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Beemer81
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: SC
Posts: 4
Unhappy New Here; Could Use Some Understanding?
Hi everyone. This is my first post, and it will probably be a bit long but I would really appreciate any and all advice/input you guys have.

I met my girlfriend in Nov 2010. We started talking in April of 2011, and started officially dating in Aug 2011. She had gotten out of a bad relationship and I had also left an unhealthy relationship. I did not know at the time, but she was an active user. Social mostly, Opiates, Benzoids, Ambiens, weed here and there. Mainly a weekend thing from what I first understood when we started talking. Around the time we started dating; she got addicted to Fentanyl patches. (She was laid off from a really great job, that she left her previous job for...triggering this) She tried to detox off them and found it to be an impossible feat with the woman who kept providing them to her (her drug dealer for almost 10 years) constantly texting/calling and reaching out to her.

Once I figured out she was badly addicted to them; and begged for her to get clean she had moved into my home with me. I was watching for them, and then of course trouble struck in Dec of 2011. Her drug dealers home was on a stakeout and on her way to meet me at my place one night, she was pulled over after leaving there. They pulled her over for DUI. Thankfully she was a block from my home, and I got there within minutes of her being pulled over. She had hastily taken the pills she had in her pocket when she saw the blue lights (Xanax) but she had 2 brand new Fentanyl patches in the back seat concealed. I was able to stop the search of her vehicle and keep them from finding them (not intentionally b/c I didn't know she had just gotten them). They arrested her, impounded the car and she spent the night in jail and was released. I picked her up the next morning. While she was in jail, I was going thru her overnight bag she had packed to stay the night with me and found Norcos, K4s, Xanaxs, Valiums, and Fentanyl patches. I flushed everything.

Since then she told me she would get clean, and continued on with the patches hidden from me (she moved back out after numerous fights) until July of 2012 when she had a breakdown. She called numbers on the internet wanting help, wanting detox and rehab... but there was nobody to help. Our local mental health is the drug local to be... they'll give you your drug of choice and send you on your way... a joke. So she begged me to take her to the hospital. The hospital admitted her when she told them she was thinking of hurting herself (she had threatened to, and even cut herself when she was going thru horrible withdrawls at home). They kept her 2 days and sent her home without much help, but a place we had called had a bed open the very next day and didn't require payment up front... a detox center.

I took her the next night, she passed (failed) the drug test to be accepted (no suboxone or methadone allowed in your system) and I didn't see her for 6 days. I called daily to get info, and they always just said she was doing well. She attended NA meetings while there and when she came out... was AMAZING. The woman I fell in love with. She came home and moved in, and decided she wanted to start immediately going to NA meetings. She did, 4-5 a week. But I could feel something changing. She relapsed a month later when her Nanny passed away. We've drifted apart. I'm madly in love with her but I hurt. Why would she keep doing this? I understand it's not her. I know it's her addiction... but it still hurts ME just the same to see her this way.

3 months after her Nanny passed she went to our local Vocational Rehabilitation center to get back into the job force and to get into a 28 day rehab program the state offers free. She had been out of work and on unemployment since June of 2012. They tested her, sent her for a drug test (tested clean) and even has sent her to a counselor for her mental health issues we have uncovered. Turns out my girlfriend has severe schizophrenia, depression and is now currently on medications. Once the medications are working, she will be sent to rehab. (Probably in the next 3 weeks to a month since they just had to up her doses.)

Since she took her drug test for voc rehab tho, she slipped and tried Meth. I knew something was wrong, couldn't figure it out and finally she admitted it when one night she was asleep I went thru her wallet and found her stuff. Her straw, her blade, her empty baggies. I flipped, and demanded she tell her counselors but she won't. I don't know if I should. She has to be clean to get into rehab. That was in January. In Feb we signed a 1 year lease on a new home together, about 30 minutes from all of our friends, family and suppliers. I have put a block on her phone to block out all of her prior drug contacts from reaching her, and I reported most of them to the police with 2 big drug busts having already occurred. Where she could get her Fentanyl is now completely impossible. But, both of her sisters are on drugs; one prescribed Xanax which she abuses BADLY, and the other goes to a Suboxone clinic and sells off 60 strips a month. Some of which she used to sell to my girlfriend. >.<

I've found 3 Suboxone strips in her wallets, 2 blades, and 1 straw since we've lived her. She claims they were in there when she moved her stuff from her Mom's but I just have this unsettling feeling in my belly. I really want her to be clean, but I know I can't do it for her. I can't love her to do it. And now, to be honest... I'm mean. I'm angry. I'm not showing her the love I used to. She is upset with me, especially after going on to her counselor that I don't show her any love and her counselor told her that we are in an abusive relationship and that I am emotionally abusing her. That broke my heart. I pay all of my bills, our bills and HER bills. I helped her with all of the court issued things she's had to do, helped her pay her DUI lawyer, buy her things all the time as little gifts for being sober, and normally never tell her "No."

The problem is, in the beginning... I LOVED on her. I loved on her everywhere, couldn't keep my arms from wrapping around her on the couch, she was always 110% of my attention. Now... I don't reach out, I'm mean when she reaches out to me, and I'm just very angry inside. I know without a doubt I am in love with this woman, and I do still love her. I know that addiction is not her fault, she was raised in an environment full of it; her Dad and both of her sisters are addicts. I also know a lot of my issues is that during this whole battle with her addiction, that I feel like I've been running with her... my Mom started battling breast cancer, and lost. My Mom passed away last July and I literally have nobody left. So I feel like I lost my Mom to breast cancer and my girlfriend to her addiction.

I've been reading and I feel like I am codependent, and I think it suits me to a T. I know her rehab will have lots of family oriented things, and her mother is an enabler and she won't like sitting thru the mandatory 1 hour family session before visiting time about enabling and etc, so she won't visit her. Her sisters have already been put on the "Not Allowed" list since they are users, I will be the only one to go... but I look forward to it. I do!

I know I need to find help and seek a counselor myself for my depression with losing my Mom... but where would I find the help I need for my codependency addiction with my girlfriend? I want to show her I love her, and I believe in her... but it's SO hard to not just EXPECT something bad to happen again. I don't want to negative her into using again... Please... any words?

Thank you for just reading... I know it's a long one. <3
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