Although this addiction thing was my only foray in codependency----
the counter dependency thing hits home hard.
I trace this one back to getting my first bike.Dad got me one (maybe I was 6?
I dunno). But he was of Eastern European descent----postwar variety.
We were expected to be 'overgrateful' for what we were provided with.
It was placed on the porch and a long,BS dance ensued. I went for it,he admonished:
"How do you you know that is YOUR bike!?".
OK,I'll play your idiot game.Forgetting it's my birthday----but really.
The joke was only funny the first 97 times----now I want to ride MY bike.This goes on for
HOURS.
Even a six year old knows this is f'ed up.You earn money,get your kid a bike,and
ENJOY watching HIM enjoy it.......not this stupid, f'ed up mindgame.
Now the sun has gone down.Game still in play.So I tossed the thing off the patio
onto the concrete 2 stories below......messing it up badly.Astonished Dad asks why,I
reply "we gave whatever idiot plenty of time to recover their bike from our patio---we
don't have alot of space---so I got rid of it".
My wife still see's this behavior in me today.If you want to give something to me
because you like me,great...and thank you.If it is just a prop to get me to BEG...
then I do not care if it is something I have been searching/pining for ,for 20 years.....at that
instant I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) this maladjustment self perpetuates well because it
is so incredibly useful. Just 2 days ago I made a bid on a certain engine @ 90% of market
value (a pretty good offer for a HARD to clear item).Other guys starts putting all these
BS conditions.....("sit up and beg,Vale!").
But (you guessed it)...
"I offer 50%,no counteroffers....if you call my phone for any other reason that to accept the
50% offer....I will block your number."
I would have GLADLY paid the 90%,until he starts toying with me.
He lost 40% of the value of a VERY expensive engine (he agreed to the 50%).....just for stepping on
my counterdependent landmines.It was a mistake that cost about 1000 Schwinn bikes.
As crappy as the bike episode was.I'm not so sure I'd trade it.
The best bluff in the world.....is when you are not bluffing.
"Take it or leave it...I really don't care"----is about as concise a
statement of the counterdependent mindset as I can conjure up.