I'd stress proceeding with caution, too, Lizatola. I'd left AXH once when DS was very little. He told me everything I wanted to hear: he knows he was behaving poorly, that he had stopped drinking right after I left; that he was going to AA, that he just wants to have the family we deserve to have...
I went back, because I was so happy to hear him admit he had a problem with drinking and was going to AA. I was sure that it had to mean he was actually doing work to stop. That's when he switched to drinking vodka out of water bottles. That's when his behavior got worse. And he had a brand new excuse to use: he couldn't drink to relieve stress any more...
I know now that I should have been watching how he was acting, not just listening to what he was saying. Because his actions did not reflect any change beyond: tell theuncertainty what she wants to hear. I also now know that just because an abusive alcoholic stops drinking, it doesn't mean that they stop being abusive.
I'm not saying that your AH is pulling the same ploy my AXH pulled, just providing a cautionary tale.
Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I am doing my best to reach out and greet him with a kiss every AM, same thing at night. I am cheerful and also honest about how overwhelmed I've been with my crazy schedule. By talking about my vulnerabilities I am hoping to get a deeper conversation with him going.
The only problem I seem to be having is that he doesn't seem interested in reaching out or talking about anything on his own. I have to constantly be the one to open up the door to a talk about anything.
It sounds like you're already reaching out to your AH. I wonder how much more work do you personally need to shoulder to make the relationship a safe and working one. Is your therapist knowledgeable in addiction and abusive behavior? Did she listen to you when you said you weren't ready? Did she offer to work with you to determine why or what would help you feel more ready to?
I'm not posing the questions to seek an answer posted, just something to ponder. I simply can't imagine my counselor ever telling me that it was my turn to 'reach out emotionally to AXH' - not unless he'd been in recovery for way more than a few months *and* actively seeking help to change his abusive behavior. In fact, the first counselor I went to to try to learn how to communicate with an alcoholic husband gently suggested that I contact DV shelter.
