Thanks all. LTD - that made me laugh!
Anvil - yes, abandonment is also a part of this.
I find myself feeling similar emotions when dating, and I catch myself doing it now and think "what the hell am I doing, sitting here feeling sorry for this loser across the table from me, so much so that I am tempted to say yes to date #2?!!!"
Where does this come from? My 19 yo daughter does it, too. She is simply too nice and afraid of hurting other people, so she often ends up being a doormat to stronger personalities.
How did we (in general, not specific people) learn the lesson that having firm boundaries and a strong sense of self preservation was mean to others?
P.S. I am getting the full-on guilt trip by my FOO because I won't "make nice" with my bi-polar Mom who told me off and kicked me out of her house last fall in the midst of a manic drunken tantrum. That just because she is my Mom, I should stop punishing her for being mentally ill. Are you freakin kidding me?! She was hostile and nasty. Why would I want to put myself in the line of fire again when I know she is unmedicated and it is only a matter of time before she goes off the rails again? No thank you.