Excellent post Tuffgirl – great topic
Codependents are not capable of knowing when to let others work out problems on their own so when they see others doing the healthy thing its their perception that it’s cruel.
Codependents intensely focuses on the needs of others, causing harmful or unhealthy effects (enabling) when others do not make those same choices – it’s perceived as cruel.
Codependents turn themselves into the “only” – only one who understands, only one there for them, only friend they have, only one he/she opens up to…the list goes on and on……..when others who are familiar with the unhealthy behavior get better and leaves the addict/alcoholic to their choices….it’s perceived as cruel.
Allot of the new comers in al-anon and here use the term cruel, the term un-loving, the term un-caring and when I hear those terms I just want to say, sit down and buckle up it’s going to be bumpy ride.
It’s a lot to understand when I/you/he/she seek help first the first time here or at a meeting. They are showing up at their breaking point, frantic with lives unmanageable then they are told to give up everything they know to learn something better that they don’t yet understand.
I’m glad I buckled in, rode through the turbulence and had a happy landing!!!!!