The word "cruel" has come up several times this morning, in the same context of turning our back on an alcoholic as being
cruel.
I am baffled by this!
The definition of cruel:
Causing pain or suffering: "I can't stand people who are cruel to animals".
Having or showing a sadistic disregard for the pain or suffering of others.
Synonyms
brutal - merciless - ruthless - ferocious - savage
So where is the idea that standing up for ourselves, protecting our lives (and careers, children, finances, etc) and staying away from toxic people cross the line into cruel behavior by us?!!
When I read the definition above - I am struck by how closely it describes the abusive behavior done to loved ones by alcoholics in the throes of the disease. And folks - just because they have a "disease" doesn't make it ok to be treated poorly.
Just because someone needs "help", doesn't mean you are morally obligated to be the one to put yourself in harm's way (physically or emotionally) to help them.
Sure, we "love" them. I am sure Ted Bundy had friends and family who loved him, too. But it didn't stop him from being a serial killer. Nor will your love stop your alcoholic from drinking and the consequences they incur.
When did we (us codies, me included here) become so arrogant as to think we would be "cruel" to leave someone who so obviously has a problem much, much bigger than we are.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger said it best in her Top 10 Reasons to Ditch a Guy (which can also be applied to ladies!):
"n general, people say you shouldn’t pass judgment on others. Well actually, when it comes to dating, you should. When you date, you’re supposed to discern what is good, bad, right, wrong, healthy, and unhealthy about a person. You need to know when to pull the plug because if you don’t, you’re going to experience misery, anguish, and frustration, and waste a hell of a lot of time."
And: "Reason #4: He has addiction issues
If he has had any trouble with drugs, gambling, or alcohol, don’t even bother. That often requires a whole lifetime of management and counseling. Instead of marrying into it, go to school and get a license to be a clinical social worker – that way at least you’ll get paid to do it."
Dr. Laura: Listen Up, Ladies! Ten Reasons to Ditch a Guy