Welcome sunbaby.
I wanted so much to hold on to the fun part of it - but I had to admit it was many years since it had been enjoyable. All it brought me in the end was despair and anxiety. I even tested it once - after 3 years sober. I decided I could have a glass of wine. The glass of wine became the whole bottle - then I drank the next day to 'cure' my hangover. I continued drinking for many more years, & never once could I control the amounts I drank. My job - and my whole life was affected. I had no choice but to stop completely. That's when I found SR.
We're glad to have you here with us - and I hope you find the answers you're looking for.