Thank you both for your support and kind words.
It isn't completely new that I refuse to engage, but something feels different. It is like I've made a more permanent decision about my role in the family and my own boundaries.
Originally Posted by
Impurrfect 
Doing what is right for me has always brought about a sense of unease. I often go through the feelings you are describing. I tend to hold on to the old "comfortable" behaviors by my fingernails
In time, though, I've worked through the feelings and found out they really DIDN'T kill me (was quite sure they would).
While these were some pretty bad feelings tonight, after reading what both of you wrote and taking a little time to think (I went to the gym) I realize I'm not feeling nearly as bad as I have in the past, even when I did get involved. Progress!
I'm in a new relationship and it's been really wonderful. I've focused so much on my family issues in the past that it got in the way of my ability to have a healthy relationship. I know that if I let the family issues take all of my energy, I won't have enough to be the kind of partner I want to be or have the kind of healthy relationship I deserve. That's not the only reason I'm working on this, but it sure ups the ante for me.
I'm starting to turn my phone off, or leave it at home. I've already stopped feeling like I need to respond every time someone manufactures a crisis if I'm not alone. I really want to be present and happy for the people in my life. But I was alone when this all happened.
#3 also called my Mom and did what addicts do. Then he called RAB and did what addicts do. What my Dad is doing is incredibly unfair and that part makes me angry. If I think too much about how unfair he is being the problem starts up all over again because I want to jump in and tell him so. I won't do it. It will put me right back where I started.
Thanks for being here, gang. It makes such a difference. And I will treat myself, too!