I agree with ((LMN)). So what, if you weren't consistent in the past? Most of us weren't. That doesn't mean that we can't be consistent, starting today!
Doing what is right for me has always brought about a sense of unease. I often go through the feelings you are describing. I tend to hold on to the old "comfortable" behaviors by my fingernails
In time, though, I've worked through the feelings and found out they really DIDN'T kill me (was quite sure they would).
I think you're doing great, and ((LMN's)) recommendation that you do something just for you, is spot on.
What you are going through isn't easy, but there are many people here who are more than willing to walk through it with you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy