I can't tell you how many times these exact thoughts have crossed my mind. I really don't like any of my options.
By way of an update, I have been trying to collect my thoughts, figure out how to say this. I went to an Alanon meeting years ago, when my AW first got started. For various reasons, it was very off-putting. Well, this weekend I thought, ok, I will give it another try, and went to a different meeting in a different part of town. Nothing has changed, I could not wait to get out of there.
I have been trying to sort out what it is that bothers me. (Both meetings were discussion meetings). The people are friendly enough, but man, going around the room reading the steps and traditions out loud feels like I am back in third grade. Off to a bad start. I am already gritting my teeth. Also, I am just not a touchy-feelie, hold hands and pray, kum ba yah kind of guy. I know many people seem to be able to draw strength from that, to me it feels false and creepy. The discussion part was of course better, but god help me, at the stage I am at, there is enough borderline self-indulgence in what people are sharing that I find myself losing patience. Now I know this can all be traced to faults in my own character
, but where I am at right now, I just do not need that aggravation. Now I know they suggest you go to different meetings, go to six before making up your mind, and so on, but I just don't know if I have it in me to do that.
I do find this forum extremely helpful, so I am convinced that the meeting concept is probably good because it can be more personal, so there is something of a self-imposed guilt trip about my negative response and impatience with Alanon. I feel like I need to give it a chance, but that feels so much like the same reasoning i have used to convince myself to hang in with the AW all these years (maybe this time it will really be better) that it rings false.
Am I alone in this at least initial revulsion to Alanon? I hear over and over how great it is, but I just don't quite see it.