jmartin, thanks for your soul baring posts. They are not exactly comfortable to read but they have a stark honesty that can help others in a similar position. It sounds as if you have been strong for a long time and carrying a huge burden and now it is bringing you to your knees emotionally and psychologically. There is a terrible erosion of hope and love that is a consequence of living with an alcoholic. The constant cycle of sober, relapse, sober, relapse, sober promises - this is the time, relapse. It eats at the soul. For many people in this position they, emotionally and socially, haul up the drawbridge and hide in their castles of secrecy, telling no one because of the stigma and shame. But they can't do it alone, they need support otherwise they burn out.
It is good that you have come here to share and get support. If you don't like Alanon try some other support group where you can learn to detach and find a bit of peace and serenity and make the decisions you need to make.