10 Weeks Today!
I am counting the weeks since I laid this relationship to rest. Today = 10 weeks. No visits, no contact, and no drama. I am waiting for my broken heart to catch up with the rest of me that is ready to move on. I am free at last but far from over it and still deeply grieving. Especially as he plummets into the abyss of full blown heroin relapse.
What have I learned? He was never sober really- so he did not relapse truly. He just went in and out of different levels of addiction. But by the grace of God, I am free. Free from fear, obligation, and guilt. Free from the emotional burden of his choices. Detachment with love has been the only way that has restored me to sanity and has allowed me to be me again and to face my own stuff.
Letting him go felt so painful. Looking in the mirror also has been painful. But it is in this darkness that I feel I will soon emerge transformed anew. And that is so exciting and so scary. Through it all- darkness, pain, shame, regret, humiliation, chaos, depression, loneliness, hurt, sadness, anger, blah blah blah- this did not kill me. I have no doubt it would have taken me down eventually. My broken wing is starting to heal and I hope soon I can fly again.