Originally Posted by
Jodie77 
I woke up this morning just crying, crying, crying. Yelling at God, wanting to die. I gave been through too much. My first divorce with a sex addict (who slept with my friends and neighbors) sent me to the ER because of severe depression and anxiety. Then I meet my xafiance and now he dumps me and moves on. I used to have a healthy self esteem; I am a model, make-up artist and have been on TV as well on a big/national show that I won't disclose. Yet I feel horrible inside, abandoned, rejected, dead. None of the things that should give me confidence make me feel any better, instead I feel even like a bigger loser. Because I gave all I had to him/them. Initial I was "all they dreamed of", "a dream girl" etc then they both lost interest. Discarded me. And now my brother stays in contact w my xafiance and they are buddy-buddy and go out and drink and do drugs together. My brother is an addict too....coke, opiates, alcohol. My older brother died in an accident when he was on drugs. I've just been through too much and don't have the strength anymore.
You have trauma in your past, Jodie. I'm very, very sorry to learn of the loss of your brother. That's a big blow, and it would be a big blow for anyone.
But regarding your fiance, you cannot personalize what he did because what he does (or doesn't do) is all about him. Sick people behave like sick people, and your fiance is a sick person. It will take some time to understand this, as you've been hurt badly.
Right now, you need to heal, and that, too, will take time. But one thing you need to absorb is that the actions and choices that your fiance and your brothers have made are beyond your ability to control. We are all powerless over someone else's addiction.
Hang in there, Jodie.
ZoSo