Jodie
This looks like it may be "hitting the bottom" for you. I've been there. Different circumstances but you described the feelings well.
There's a high anxiety icky-ness feeling that seems to invade every cell. The good news is....when we hit bottom there's only one direction to go and that's up. Sometimes we have to be torn down to our absolute foundation before we can rebuild a stronger self.
Be kind and gentle with yourself.....do something......anything that soothes your soul today.
gentle hugs
ke