Davey, I'm sorry. I'm not very good at conveying things through writing. I'm more of a verbal communicator. Anyway, my use of future tense was quite deliberate. If you notice, I say that it's currently my biggest fear that this course of events will happen. Now putting grammer aside, I need help to break the cycle so this does not happen. That is what happened in my past and what will happen in my future if I don't try something new. I've heard insanity described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That was my past. I'm doing something different to get different results, but without help and change, I know I will not be successful. Thankfully, some folks have given me some great advice that is really appreciated.