I feel for you! Me bf of 10 years admitted he was addicted to opiates which turns out was basically our whole relationship. We came clean about a year ago and it's been such a battle the last 12 months. He went to rehab and came home only to relapse and go back a few months later. When he came home the first time I thought I was ready to deal with this but I wasn't prepared at all. Then when he relapsed and I felt numb that this was happening all over again. I went to family day and had a moment while we were there. During a break a group of us were sitting at a table and just watching him interact with some of the people there made me sad. I felt like he had more in common with them and it made me feel like I knew nothing about him or that we had nothing in common. It took everything in me to hold back my tears. Well anyway he came home and I thought his recovery was going good then he gradually started to push me away and then the usual- things not adding up or making sense, not wanting to do anything, then turning things around on me. When I became he suspicious he was using I started to lose myself. Always looking for stuff, looking through his phone if I got a chance, not sleeping, was just sick to my stomach all the time.it was crazy! Then we finally got into it and he blamed me for everything. Told me I wasn't supportive and didn't know how he felt etc. He basically told me be was done With me. He ignored my calls and didn't call me back. Then I decided it was time to focus on me. Started to read some books and come on here daily. Started to work out and do things for me. Well now he is calling and texting me saying he can't believe I am done with him and acting like this.like hello you are the one that told me you were done. My gut feeling is telling me that he is using since some of his actions I feel are manipulating.
To be honest since I have been trying to focus on I feel a lot better! Then it makes me feel guilty that I feel pretty good. I miss him so much, but don't miss the other things that go along with our relationship. I am confused, but thinking it might be best for us to maybe separate and focus on ourselves and not worry about each other. In a way I am thinking I might have been just as sick as he is/was!
I am just going with the flow and praying that things will work out the way they are meant to be.
Good luck and stay strong!