I don't even remember being angry with them. I don't even remember having any feelings at all about it. Nothing. I just did the best I could to get through it and that was it. It never occurred to me to be angry or upset or sad. I just didn't feel those feelings and I still struggle with them today.
This kills me!
Whenever you posted about this last, I mentioned I had some similar experiences with my family. I was raised to shut up and not need things from my parents, to apologize when they wronged me, to cope with major things on my own (rape, abuse) and to swallow whatever crazy they threw at me. The worst was always being left out of vacations, holidays, family discussions, and whatnot, and everyone remembering that I was just "not there." I had a very different childhood from my sisters. I was very good at stuffing down the feelings of inadequacy with my parents, and was used to not feel anything about it -- which was a way of me accepting that I just wasn't worth my family's attention, as wrong as that it. It's confusing and frustrating on a lot of levels.
I'll tell you, I'm not one for woo-woo stuff, but my therapist does a lot of Inner Child work with me and it's been one of the main things that's allowed me to grow through this whole crazy process. It has given me the tools I needed to get through and beyond my own abandonment issues and change the way I relate to my dysfunctional family, find new ways of relating to my kids, even, and ways to support my AH from a healthy distance without enabling or worrying about the definition of our relationship and all that business. The most important aspect of that is finally feeling confident in my own abilities, trusting my own instincts, and being my own best advocate. My support system was a group of dysfunctional people and I needed to find a way to distance myself from their crazy to get to the root of my own crazy.