First of all, thanks for responding. With your idea's here, it gives me something to share my thoughts on and perhaps you or someone else might tell me where my thinking might need correcting to become more healthy.
Originally Posted by
suki44883 
The thing to remember is that boundaries are for YOU. They are not rules for the addict to follow. Boundaries are things you set to protect yourself. They don't require the addict to do anything other than what they decide to do.
I get this, I truly do...or at least, I truly believe that I do. However, I just read a suggestion in this forum that said, "Lock down your money. Bank accounts, credit cards, car titles -- all the rest." Yes, I understand that some people do the 'his money', 'her money', 'our money' thing in a marriage these days. I am not one of them, never have been and changing the financial rules twenty five years into our relationship because it protects 'me' where there has only ever been a 'we' is something that feels dishonest, duplicitious and frankly, does damage to my sense of self - which is what I am trying to avoid.
This is but one example, there are others.
Originally Posted by
suki44883 If they cross one of your boundaries, then you follow through with whatever you decided to do when you set up that particular boundary.
Boundaries are things such as:
I will not live with an active addict. She must prove she is clean and working a strong program before I will consider co-habitating.
I will not be around someone who is actively using. I will remove myself if it isn't possible to remove the addict.
Things like that.
Neither of these particular boundaries, which I understand you were only using as examples...but neither of them are ones that I would employ for a variety of reasons... but in both cases, the consequences to me are far reaching.