Yeah - I'm really only hurting myself by not admitting my powerlessness.
This reminds me of a workshop I went to many many years ago.
The presenter took a long stemmed rose out of the vase. It was a bud.
She held it front of herself and spoke to it:
"What's wrong with you? Why don't you open up? You'd be so much prettier if you did. You should open up! C'mon now, do it!"
Then she pauses.
"Oh you never listen to me. Go to your room!"
Everyone laughed as she put it back in the vase.
Then she talks about how LATER...we see the rose again...
And it's blossomed and it's looking beautiful and it's opened up.
And she says to the flower, "Oh, I'm glad you finally agreed to listen to me and take my advice!"
LOL
What a nightmare to think that anything we say, do, or think can impact someone or something else -- especially our addicts.